Nak Kahwen Lagi?
28th August 2010I had a talk with my parents the other day and while I appreciate their "concern", I hope they'll let me make my own decisions.
They were concern that my relationship with Fairuss is too "casual" i.e pergaulan yang takde batas. I mean, seriously?!?!?!
I don't mean to be rude or anything but isn't it kinda a tad too late to be having that kinda talk with me? I'm 28 years old with 4 kids. It's very weird having your parents discuss your sexual life with you.
There were a bunch of moral jargon that came out from my parents mouth (halal, haram, tanggung dosa kering, duduk berkendak etc etc) and it was stifling me.
And then.... they talked about marriage! No, seriously, marriage!!! You know what's funny? Prior to them running me into a corner, they were talking about some relatives' marital problems; one is having an affair with someone's husband and the other just rujuk-ed after a very violent fight (kaki tangan jalan terus, beb !).
And they want me to get married after listening to all that?!?!?!?!
I told my mum, I'm not thinking of settling down anytime soon. My first priority is buying my own house, I'm not gonna stay rental all my life. And she asked me why I can't do that after marriage and I was like, I don't even know if I'll remarry ever again. Plus, I've learnt my lesson, you know, this time round I wanna make sure I have some assets in my name and mine alone.
These are all very important things to consider before I decide to devote myself to anyone. It's hard being a woman, single with kids. I gotta have my ass covered first. And I also told my mum, though I'm not looking for a temporary relationship, a permanent one doesn't have to be in the form of marriage. Co-habiting sounds good, no?
Then my parents asked me, what is Fairuss take on that.
Well, I've talked about it with him and he did told me he's against co-habiting. In his exact words, "you ingat kita ni apa ? Binatang ?". My parents were impressed, nevertheless. My stepdad even said, "kalau dia yang muda tu, tau duduk berkendak tu salah, ni kan plak kau yang lagi tua dari dia...".
Yes, but so what? Look, maybe he's against co-habiting but I'm pretty sure, marriage is not in his plan either. We've been together for only FIVE MONTHS, for goodness sake!!! Why is it so hard for my parents to just be happy for me, with my decision to prolong my courtship?
Marriage is wonderful, I agree with that a hundred percent but it doesn't always work for everyone and definitely not for me, not right now. My views on marriage go way beyond the halal/haram issue. I would not get married just because it's "the right thing to do". It's not just about living in what is ideally expected of you as man/woman. It's not just about growing old with each other. I believe in qiamah and the life we will have after that, so if I do remarry, it'd be with someone whom I want not only in this life but also in the one we're gonna have next.
Now, the question is, how many men have that exact same sentiments as me? Hhhmm...
I've been in relationships where I moved too fast too soon. Hooking up too fast, getting knocked up, having to grow up way before time, unfulfilled desires, infidelities, family friction etc etc. I wanna take it slow, this time round, real slow. Is that asking for too much?
I don't think so.
There's just so many things I wanna do with him in the BGR sense. I don't wanna rush things. He has other stuff he wants to do as well, please do not forget, the dude's only 23! (5 years my junior, not a big deal, really, and I'm NOT a cougar, sheesh!!!) God! I'm contented with us just having each other as company. We are at a stage of discovering and exploring ourselves. That's fun, a stress-free period.
I dare not even say if we are commited to each other cos I really, really feel it's too early. I wanna be able to say that hey, I know him very well. Right now, I don't. And being the paranoid cunt that I am, I have endless doubts and anxieties about us.
I have even envisioned the day we call it quits, not because I have no faith at all but things are just like that with me; they end, period. Then, you'll have to just move, you know?
Just let me enjoy him now, can?
Should anyone ask me when I'll get married again, I'll just answer, "ntah eh, sekarang ni Leen blom cukup umur lah...".
Yes, I'll say exactly that.
Nyehehehe!!!
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Comments:
lu milfy ler blom tahap cougar lagik. tak salah gua cougar to nak kena ummor 40 ke atas siots :p
tapi gua respek ah...bukan senang mau dpt bujang trang tang tang ;)
my point exactly! lagi dua tahun baru gua masuk 30 siol, tu pon blom kira tahap cougar lagi... gua maseh tahap kucing betina je...
*meowmeow*
respek lu beb. tapi kepala gua pening jap baca ni. tablet putih takde plak ni. takpe.. lu lepak ja dulu.
(: i kinda smiled to myself reading this. i like provocative stuff. i just have a few things to say:
1) you decide on your life, where it's going, or where exactly you want to take it. i do not know you personally, but from the nuggets that you have provided, i believe you went through a period where you had to grow up too fast too furious, way ahead of time. in this aspect, it only makes sense that you feel the need to slow time down. it's for your own sake and sanity as well.
2) in this patriarchal society where everything seems to be going FOR the male population, girlll, it TOTALLY makes sense that you want to have assets under your own name. work towards that. do something for yourself. for your kids. you deserve it.
3) provocative and controversial. religion notwithstanding, i THINK that co-habitation could actually result in a better marriage life. mmm.. i say this because it seems that since it's in our culture to RUSH marriage to avoid fitnah etc., the results could turn out undesirable. hence, high divorce rates. co-habitation puts into perspective each other's habits/idiosyncracies etc. and IF you can live with that, go on; get married. if you can't. well, you tried. but then again, this is... theoretically-speaking. it may be practically hard especially due to social policing from our 'tight-knit' community and any other structural factors that doesn't condone this arrangement.
just... my humble two-cents. (:
Amsis.